🎈 I Have Yet to Learn How to Let Go
One of the hardest lessons in learning how to emotionally survive as a dentist
is realizing that you cannot carry every patient’s pain.
A senior once told me:
“The more you pour your emotions into each patient, the shorter your life as a dentist becomes.”
The deeper your feelings, the duller your hands, the narrower the space you have left for yourself.
I understood it in my head.
“Let it go,” they said.
“Patients who don’t align with you — you can let them go.”
“You don’t have to be good for everyone.”
But my heart… my heart refused to listen.
I have yet to learn how to let go coolly.
Even when I’ve given my best,
even when I’ve done nothing wrong,
if a patient pushes my hand away,
I find myself still clinging to the moment,
their shadow lingering in the corner of my clinic long after they have gone.
“You could have done better,”
“If only you had tried a little harder…”
These whispers quietly dismantle me after I leave work,
and I lie motionless, staring at the ceiling,
blaming myself in silence.
As if everything was my fault.
Maybe…
maybe I have lived too long as someone else’s patient.
Always trying to heal the hurt,
always trying to shoulder the blame.
Maybe that’s why it took me so long to realize:
I am my own patient too.
I must care for myself.
I must protect myself.
I must listen to myself with the same kindness I offer others.
Instead of blaming myself,
I will say,
“You did your best today.”
Instead of criticizing myself,
I will whisper,
“You gave all you could.”
In the clinic where a patient once sat,
only the soft sigh of the wind remains now.
I close the door gently,
draw in a slow breath,
and quietly tell myself:
“I did my best.
I love who I am.”
And little by little,
I am learning how to let go.
And little by little, I am learning how to emotionally survive as a dentist
Not by closing my heart, but by holding it more gently
Step by fragile step,
I am making a path where I can live longer,
warmer,
as a dentist,
and as myself.
